You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
