You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
