is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
