did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
