dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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