I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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