Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
