Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
