I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
