Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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