um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
