the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
