no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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