Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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