im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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