If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
