he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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