And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
