Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
