We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
