Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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