so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
