Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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