just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
