This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
