is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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