Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
