whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They took my balls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
