then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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