Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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