I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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