My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
