Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
