the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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