your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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