I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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