he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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