Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
