I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
