i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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