Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
