I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
