i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
