Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
