Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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