I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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