She announced her abortion via fbk
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize