My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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