the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
