If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
