Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My life is pants optional.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
