think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
