I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
