OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
