thus making me awesome and them whores
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize