Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
