We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize