My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
