I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
