my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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