I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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