i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize