The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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