if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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