I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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