Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
