There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
