I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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