If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to align my fucking chakras
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
