Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think my moral compass just broke
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
