My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
