I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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