Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
