I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
