giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize