The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
