There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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