hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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