I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
