i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
