i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
