Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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