Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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