onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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