she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
