I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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