You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
