just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
