just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
