saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
