Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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