If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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