we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
