I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
