So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
