??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize