I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
