She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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