If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
