OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
