the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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