all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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