I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
