david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
